I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
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would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
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you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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