How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
