woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
