Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
