My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
