Where is the hickey?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
