That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
