Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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