I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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