its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
