Dual....:-)
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
