Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
being pregnant is like rehab
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
