Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
