just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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