I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
