Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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