Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
This baby is an asshole
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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