In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
