gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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