You work out of a Hotel?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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