Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
