I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
