I just saw a hot homeless man
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
