Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
