Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
