Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
