I am puke
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
