I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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