mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
