I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
