i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
