Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
