You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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