I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
