I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
