So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
