just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I need to calm my uterus...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
