did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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