she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
