i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
