here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
im about as happy as oj after his trial
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
