At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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