I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
there's paper in my vomit.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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