i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
