Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
