break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
