your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
