I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
