you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
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He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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