Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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