Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
