He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
