I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
