Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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