the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
