Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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