In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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