I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
