Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
