It was confusing and full of hummus
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
