I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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