I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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