I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
