i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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