They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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