tequila makes me forget i have legs
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
